I don't profess to being an expert on love, but my memories of being in love for the first time go back as far as the age of four. I hear you saying, "That's way too young to know what love feels like!" But in my defense, I do remember the feeling. It's the same feeling I have had so many times throughout my life.
I'm a bit embarrassed to say that my first "in love" experience was with a very distant cousin (5th cousins, if there's such a thing). Even today I remember seeing him for the first time at a family party. It must have been love at first sight because throughout our youth, and teen years he vigorously pursued me. Here's a secret no one knows until now. He was my first "real kiss". Yes, the french kind.
Knowing we could never become a real couple, I finally ended it for good. At the age of 15 he met a girl, had five children with her, and died of a drug overdose before he was 30. My mother must have known I had special feelings for him because she didn't tell me about his death for six months. For over twenty years I have thought about him almost daily. One of my most treasured possessions is a photograph that he gave me of himself when he was ten years old. I often go to that picture when I am feeling sad, unloved, and wondering why I can't get it right. I often feel his spirit behind me, guiding me, telling me I deserve better. I am confident we were never meant to be, and his death does not change that belief.
As time passes, and I have fallen in and out of love more times than I want to admit, I'm beginning to believe that a person can have many loves, but those loves may not be "the one" today, tomorrow, or ever. Regardless of the amount of time we spend with someone we feel deep love for, those feelings never go away and are ever forgotten. There is no better feeling than being in love. And when I think about my childhood crush, I feel the same warm embrace throughout my body today, as I did when I was too young to know better. For me, physical love may not be forever, but emotional love is life-long.
I'm a bit embarrassed to say that my first "in love" experience was with a very distant cousin (5th cousins, if there's such a thing). Even today I remember seeing him for the first time at a family party. It must have been love at first sight because throughout our youth, and teen years he vigorously pursued me. Here's a secret no one knows until now. He was my first "real kiss". Yes, the french kind.
Knowing we could never become a real couple, I finally ended it for good. At the age of 15 he met a girl, had five children with her, and died of a drug overdose before he was 30. My mother must have known I had special feelings for him because she didn't tell me about his death for six months. For over twenty years I have thought about him almost daily. One of my most treasured possessions is a photograph that he gave me of himself when he was ten years old. I often go to that picture when I am feeling sad, unloved, and wondering why I can't get it right. I often feel his spirit behind me, guiding me, telling me I deserve better. I am confident we were never meant to be, and his death does not change that belief.
As time passes, and I have fallen in and out of love more times than I want to admit, I'm beginning to believe that a person can have many loves, but those loves may not be "the one" today, tomorrow, or ever. Regardless of the amount of time we spend with someone we feel deep love for, those feelings never go away and are ever forgotten. There is no better feeling than being in love. And when I think about my childhood crush, I feel the same warm embrace throughout my body today, as I did when I was too young to know better. For me, physical love may not be forever, but emotional love is life-long.